As I got to school, I went to check on my first grade girl that has a crush on me. However, I went to do my daily check-in on her to see how her spelling test went on Friday. However, when I got in there, no adult was present and then children were wondering what was going on. I checked in with the office, to discover that the teacher called off for the week. The substitute was on Miami time, like usual, and came about an hour late. Thinking of the greatest opportunity to get away from the three boys for a bit, I offered to watch and entertain them until he could arrive. Let me just tell you, if you ever want to appreciate your job, volunteer to watch these kids for about 5 minutes. I can guarantee you that being handcuffed and locked in a room with 15 spider monkeys, armed with ball-peen hammers would be much more relaxing.
These "little people" as I will refer to them, somehow have reserves of energy the size of the Hoover Dam stored up inside of them, which seems to get recharged with every cookie. And for some reason, the school keeps shoveling them down their throats. I have some news: if children are this crazy, why do you not shove carrots down their throats instead of sugar coated donuts and peanut butter? It is not rocket science? This is something you don't even need a kindergarten education to know, but, somehow, it happens everyday. Twenty-two screaming, whiney voices is enough to make a person pull their hair out. Dad obviously should have quit teaching much earlier! With 3 children running around who refuse to put their heads down, one who cries when the air brushes by his face, one who thinks the house for his middle two fingers on his left hand is his mouth, and a girl in the front row who won't quit staring at me with her "sexiest" first-grade smile (and let me just make this clear, SHE thought it was sexy, not me) it makes things really complicated to maintain control. Using my problem-solving mind that God blessed me with, I quickly tried to think of what I could do to get their attention fast. However, just because God gave me a mind that could think quick in options like this, it isn't a mind that makes the best "quick" decisions. Thinking I had the perfect answer, I asked Miss Vanessa, the girl in the front row who thinks I'm cute, for a piece of paper and quick. She rips one out and I fold it as fast as I can into an airplane and promise them if they don't yell that I will fly it. Was I being serious with myself right now? What first-grader won't yell at this? Let me just give myself a sign (Bill Engvall fans will know this reference)! Twenty-two jumping and screaming children came running at me, each armed with a sheet of lined paper, demanding a plane for them as well. To look at the brighter side of things, at least I was making them each a rocket ship made out of toothpicks!
When I finally got the last planes made, the substitute showed up. While my idea kept the kids happy and busy, it didn't make my life any easier!
The rest of the day was smooth sailing as the three boys seemed like angels. Really is amazing how comparing one hell to another makes you appreciate one better. Kinda weird but awesome! As lunch came, I saw the football boys all eating their mountain of food that they receive from the lunch lady everyday. Thinking back to being so nervous about practice that I couldn't eat lunch I ask, "Has anyone ever thrown up from running so much?" Of course, none of them ever had, and thought it was ridiculous that I ever had. I told them to eat up everything and enjoy it, because I was going to make sure they tasted it later in the day. As practice came, my boys learned what a workout was, as we did many things they had never done, such as wall sits, directed push-ups, and duckwalks. And lots of each of them! At the end of practice I finally became as official "mean coach" as my quarterback hit the flower beds, losing his rice and beans! Such memories that came back to me as I watched the stuff pour out of his mouth! They soon will realize that they are not going to be the most talented people on the field, but they will be the best in shape! I used to hate when my coaches said that, but boy how I love saying it!
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