BIRDS, WALRUS AND TESTS: ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

Test days.  Can be good, but usually are bad.  Getting my guys motivated to take a test is about as hard as getting a sumo into wrestling spandex.  Not impossible, but unlikely.  Then, multiply it by two and give them two tests in one day?  Never again!  My first mistake of the week; not a bad start!

Language and Social Studies, the two tests being taken in Mr. Shue's classroom on this hot, humid Wednesday.  The day started off by finishing homework out in the sun, which was already about 85 degrees by nine in the morning.  Quickly, the work was done and the tests were able to be handed out.  The first one went fairly smooth, with everyone anxious to finish and try to work their grades up.  On Tuesday, we spend the English class period studying.  Directly off the test.  I gave them every question with the correct answer.  You would think someone would catch on that I was reading them straight off the test.  No such luck.  Sitting there like bumps on a log, not involved with studying at all, the information obviously escaped what they call their heads.  As they start reading instructions, the questions immediately start coming to me, followed shortly after with the complains of it being too hard.  Eighth graders complaining they don't know what a verb is, even though we have worked on nothing except verbs the past two weeks.  Did they ever bother taking notes?  Never!

This test ended, followed by the lunch break.  I took the tests outside to the lunchroom to grade when all hell broke loose.  Sounds bad, but not really.  It was just hot as Hell.  Literally.  Heat index of 105 degrees.  Funny thing is, I think when I heard that, they neglected to mention "Celsius" after it, because I know my blood was boiling along with the sweat bubbling out of my body.  I sat down to grade papers on the desk placed outside for me.  One of the fifth grade girls, Angelica, always comes and sits with me to talk.  She is a very fun child to talk to, with great stories.  As we are talking, we look up to see her first grade brother getting his brains pounded out by a kindergarten terror.  This boy came to school just recently, and has had nothing but bad tempers as he tries to shove pencil into anyones eyes that come near him.  Quite scary.  However, he has suddenly become best friends with me, respecting me every time he sees me.  "Good morning, Mistah Shues!," he says every morning with a smile.  This time was different, however, as Angelica went flying over to save her brother.  "Get off him!!!" she yelled as she grabbed her little brother.  The boy doing the beating looked straight up at her and flipped the bird.  And let it fly for quite a long time until I realized this was reality and noticed what really was going on.  I flew into action, grabbing the little boy by the hand still up in Angelica's face, in one steady swoop, swang him out from the table and onto his feet.  At this moment, he starts kicking and hitting and swinging, doing anything he can to get away.  Little does he know his little arms are about as powerful as my friends pet hamster.  He isn't going anywhere.  After much wrestling around, I manage to get him into the office and away from little kids.  The principal got him settled down and seated while I stared from across the office with a stern look on my face, trying to scare him.  "YOU ARE A WALRUS!" he yells at me with tears in his eyes.  Now, I don't know a soul on Earth that wouldn't laugh after being called a walrus.  An insult I have never heard of.  Where does that even come from??  Wow!  Anyways, I laughed and asked the principal to correct me if I heard wrong.  Then came, "YOU ARE A COWARD!!"  He just let them keep coming as I went back outside to finish up lunchroom duty.

If I were to say the rest of the day was uneventful I would be lying.  If a day ever went by at YLC uneventful, God would be playing a joke on the staff.  That is just something that doesn't happen.  After today, I can officially say I have: had a whole class flunk a test, except one student, joked with a nun about her having bad children, seen a teacher walk out of class and school with all her personal belongings, been stood up 4 consecutive times for a parent-teacher-meeting, and made children write out the whole book of James as homework, just to prove that they read it.  Yet, none of these stories could possibly top being called a walrus!